


I’m sorry, but I fell in love tonight

by fallenfairytale



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur taking care of Merlin, BAMF Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gwen and Arthur are together in this, Hurt Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Just read I promise it’s worth it, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merthur Week 2021, Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), but it’s still merthur, cuddling next to a fire, i don’t know how to tag, kinda Happy End for merthur?, too many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 17:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30058671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenfairytale/pseuds/fallenfairytale
Summary: After Merlin gets mortally wound by accident, Arthur needs to take care of him. But spending the night together, lost in the woods, almost freezing to death, not only reveals their deepest thoughts and fears...Day 1 - “I can’t think straight with you!”
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 84
Collections: Merthur Week 2021





	I’m sorry, but I fell in love tonight

**I'm sorry but I fell in love tonight**   
**I didn't mean to fall in love tonight**   
**You're looking like you fell in love tonight**   
**Could we pretend that we're in love?**

-Halsey, Is there somewhere

* * *

They had been walking around the forest for a while now, and still hadn’t stumbled across any prey to hunt yet. Arthur was getting impatient, but there was nothing he could do to silence the loud footsteps of his manservant, the reason why no animal was within sight, he had obviously scared them all off with warning.

“Merlin, if you don’t walk quieter, we will never find anything to hunt!” He suddenly said annoyed.

“You’re going to make this trip a wasted one!” He turned around, just to see Merlin staring at the ground, a flush of red creeping on his face.

“I’m sorry, Sire,” he answered.

Even though, deep down, Merlin was not really sorry. He hated hunting trips. The thought of innocent animals just getting shot down, disgusted him. He knew they needed them to feed themselves, but he still didn’t want to witness it. Nevertheless, he did not want to annoy Arthur more than he already did. Sometimes he felt like just him breathing annoyed Arthur. So, after that, Merlin paced himself more carefully and did not even make a sound. But unknown to the young King, his close friend just used a simple magic spell to quieten his steps.

Merlin felt like they were walking around in circles, but he did not quite have the nerve to mention it. He just wanted to go home. Get back in the warm walls of the castle, get done with Arthur’s chores and then end the night off in his warm bed that was waiting for him back in Camelot. Winter was slowly approaching their homeland, and Merlin had been freezing ever since they had stepped foot out the Castle. The cold wind blowing in his face, every cold breath felt like a hit to his lungs. Not only was his nose red, but also his hands and feet were turning numb from the cold. It was not yet snowing, but there was a slight icecap on the ground beneath them. He didn’t understand how Arthur was not even a little bit bothered by it. But maybe he secretly was, and just didn’t show it.

Besides that, Merlin was sure they wouldn’t find anything to hunt anymore. Most of the animals were long gone anyway and it wasn’t because of him either, they were hiding from the cold or moving past the south, where it was much warmer. Even though Camelot also laid in the south of the lands, they all felt like this winter was going to be a brutal one compared to previous ones.

After a few more minutes Merlin just couldn’t hold on any longer.

“Arthur, we won’t find anything anymore. It’s already getting dark, let’s just head back” Merlin shivered as he continued after the King, hoping he would consider the thought.

Arthur stopped abruptly causing Merlin to smack right into his back, Merlin fell back a bit and caught himself as Arthur turned around.

“Don’t be such a girl, Merlin! Besides, we cannot just go out hunting for hours and return with empty hands.”

“Oh we can— just watch me,” Merlin said, and turned away from Arthur, walking straight into the direction of Camelot.

“Merlin, you idiot! Get back! You won’t get back in one piece without me, “ Arthur growled, hearing this Merlin stopped and turned to Arthur.

“I am capable of protecting myself thank you very much. And I’m doing that by going back to the warmth of Camelot, instead of staying here to die of the cold.” Merlin glared at Arthur, finally having enough of his stupid idea of a hunting trip.

“Oh wow Merlin, tough girl are we now,” he laughed. “Now stop playing about, we will continue until we come across at least one animal to take back to the Castle.”

Merlin stepped forwards to Arthur. And as the roaring wind got louder, so did Merlin.

“Why?! Why do you treat me like a helpless maiden! I‘m not one, okay? I’m very useful, but you just choose not to see it!” He shouted at Arthur, his anger building.

He could feel his magic trying to calm him down like a careless whisper.

“Merlin, you‘re forgetting who you‘re talking to!”

“I’m sorry Arthur but you need to get it through to that thick brain of yours that we will die from the cold before we even catch any animal!”

“Don’t be so stupid Merlin. If you wouldn’t have been so useless and actually decided to be quiet when we started hunting, I would have caught one by now.“

“If I’m too loud and useless as you claim, why your highness, do you insist I have to come every-time.“

“Merlin, in case you haven’t noticed over the years, but as my manservant it‘s your duty to serve me and do as I say,” he said, walking closer to him. “If I had a pick of useful servants that could actually help me when hunting, I’d gladly have one of them instead of a stupid useless one just like you!” Arthur growled.

It was like a punch to the face for Merlin, the heat was gone and all that was left was silence between them. Merlin’s eyes glossed over slightly, the deep pain caused by Arthur‘s words seeped into his brain on repeat. After everything Merlin had done, the chores, the listening and being there when Arthur needed someone to talk to and most importantly, all the times he had saved him from harm's way.

He felt his breath quicken, thinking of what little bit of friendship they had was gone in the blink of an eye. He stumbled back away from Arthur and turned towards the direction to Camelot and started to walk fast paced steps, just wanting to get back home and forget about everything that just happened.

“Merlin, wait! I did not mean it! Merlin, come back now!” He yelled to him following behind, but it was too late.

Merlin had not seen the trap hidden under the leaves. He tripped over a branch and let out a loud gasp. The next thing he knew, he felt a terrible pain in his left thigh, and fell on the ground, a painful scream escaping his lips.

“Merlin!“ He heard the distant voice of Arthur cry out.

The first thing he noticed after the throbbing in his thigh, was the sudden feeling of a body close to him. _Arthur_ , he thought.

“You're hurt!“ If it were not for the pain, Merlin would have laughed out loud. Obviously, he was hurt. But it probably wasn’t that bad.

“I’m fine,“ he said and tried to get up, but found out he couldn’t.

“No, you’re not,“ Arthur answered sharply. Merlin got angry again.

Why was he acting like he cared? Why worry now? Especially after what just occurred.

“No one cares anyway,“ he mumbled quietly, more to himself. But Arthur heard it.

“I do,“ Arthur answered, and held his gaze in Merlin's deep blue eyes. Arthur did not know what came over him, to admit his feelings out loud at last, maybe it was the heat of the moment. Yes, that must have been it.

Without thinking, Merlin tried to get up once again, but this time, a pain as sharp as thousand needle pricks went through his body. His legs gave out on him and he fell again. White dots danced in front of his vision. He tried to focus on Arthur, but his vision got blurry. Every muscle in his body tensed up. Desperate for some form of relief he sought out every solution. Ignoring the pain, working through it, using it to fuel his strength. But nothing seemed to work. Merlin squeezed his eyes shut tight and his face turned into a painful grimace. Swallowing the ache in his thigh and ignoring it was his only option for now.

Next thing Merlin felt was a pair of hands, suddenly pressing on the source of the pain. Merlin hissed and tried to fight against it, but the strong body held him in place. How could Merlin have been so stupid? He should have seen the trap. He should have just stayed at Arthur’s side. Yes, Merlin might be a powerful warlock, but when it came to hunting, he was nothing more than a clumsy frog, at least that’s how Arthur so kindly called him every time they went hunting and Merlin knew he was but it was just what he was like, he couldn’t help it. He was not used to it. Arthur grew up, looking out for possible traps. Merlin didn’t.

“I’m sorry,“ he whispered and tried to force a smile on his lips.

But it was more of a grimace than anything else. Arthur did not answer. He just pressed more on Merlin’s wound and tried to stop the bleeding.

“We have to get out of here, get somewhere safe,“ Arthur muttered.

Merlin knew that as well as Arthur. But how could he walk with his bleeding wound? Arthur was trying his best, but it was no big help, he could tell. He felt the warm blood dripping down his leg.

“We-,” he swallowed hard. „- we need to to stop the bleeding. “ Arthur nodded, all colour draining from his face, as Merlin swayed a bit unbalanced.

Nervously he looked around, looking for something that could be of use.

“Did you pack something we could use?“ Arthur asked, and immediately tried to grab the pouch that was lying a few feet away. But before he could reach it, Merlin shook his head.

“No. If you believe it or not, I had actually not planned for either of us to get hurt this trip.“

“Now is not the time for jokes, Merlin,“ he sounded surprisingly worried, which made Merlin wonder, if Arthur did somehow truly care for him.

Suddenly Merlin had an idea. It took all his strength to even lift his arms. The blood loss already getting ahead of him. If Merlin didn‘t know better, he would assume that he had hurt his leg artery, which was really bad. Carefully, he loosened the knot behind his neck and handed Arthur his red neckerchief.

“Use this.“ Without hesitation Arthur got to work.

He carefully lifted Merlin's leg and tied the thin fabric tightly around the wound. Once again, Merlin felt the world spin around him, vision blurring again.

“Hey,“ Arthur whispered. “Stay with me, okay?“

Merlin tried to open his eyes, which had closed to stop the spinning, but all he could do was let out a low whimper. Softly, Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin, and lifted his body from the cold ground. Their clothes were already wet from the ice, and they both would die out here if they couldn‘t find a way to get home soon, or at least find shelter somewhere else where they would be safe for the night. But Arthur did not know what to do. Back home to Camelot was at least a two hour walk, now with Merlin slowing them down, at least three hours or more. By then they would get caught in the night. And even though Arthur would never admit it out loud, they could easily get lost on the way back. Which meant more danger, for both of them.

So what should he do? Try to walk home anyway, or risk going deeper in the Forest, in hopes to find a cave or something like that.

Arthur knew that around here, not so far away was a cave or a cottage, but he could not exactly pinpoint the location of where exactly any of it was, as it has been a long time since the last time he went there. He used it a lot in his younger years to hide there, to escape the pressure of training and learning how to behave as Prince. But nevertheless, it was also a risk. The night would be cold and wet. Both options were not ideal, not at all. Arthur wanted to get Merlin home, he needed Gaius. But Merlin could not even stand straight, all his weight laid on Arthur. Merlin had always been skinny, but under all the loose clothes, he hid some strong muscles, which an unaware Arthur came to realise now. He couldn’t carry Merlin all the way back, he was too cold for one and it wasn’t ideal to carry all Merlin's weight back to Camelot with his arms, that were starting to go numb the longer they were out in the cold.

“I'll try to hold you up, okay? Put your weight on me and not on your leg, understand?“

However, Merlin didn’t respond. His shoulders hung loosely on his body, as Arthur tried to hold him up.

“Drat,“ he cursed.

Merlin was unconscious. Arthur could still feel the light breath tickle against his neck, where his head rested. Arthur shook the limp body in his arms and got a quiet whimper as response. But he opened his eyes again.

“You have to stay awake.“ With a little more force, Arthur put his arms under Merlin's and threw his long arm over his own shoulder, to be steadier.

For a moment, Merlin unconsciously put some of his weight on his hurt leg. The world seemed to spin around him again, but violently this time and with a sharper throbbing pain that grew more intense on his wound. So much, that all he wanted to do was vomit and hope the pain would just disappear. He took a deep breath and shifted his focus, determined to swallow the pain, and keep going. He put one step in front the other, holding onto Arthur as if he was his lifeline, which he probably was at this moment.

They moved slowly, too slowly. The darkness spread around them, swallowing their surroundings, which made it harder to find out where they were going. But Arthur wouldn’t admit it, not to Merlin and not to himself. They would find shelter, and everything was gonna be okay, it had to be.

The night was filled with the sounds of the Nightlife. The leaves of the trees rustled in the icy wind; the ground crunched under their feet. Arthur heard the screaming of owls and other unrecognizable beings. And at once Arthur’s heart stopped for a second. He had not thought about all the magical creatures probably living out here, hunting their prey at this time of the night. They had to get out of this wood as soon as possible. He tried to pace the speed, but Merlin was barely moving on his own and Arthur’s arms slowly began to feel numb from the weight he had to support.

“Merlin,“ he wasn’t sure if the young man was still conscious, but then he responded with a quiet grumble and Arthur felt his body relax a little at the sound.

After what felt like walking for hours, he finally recognised their surroundings again. They were close to the small, abandoned cottage, which was even better than the cave he had hoped for. When Arthur had been a child, he had heard stories of how it used to belong to a powerful sorcerer, and that it was cursed. But he could not dwell on the story being true right now, they needed a place to stay, no matter the cost.

Finally they reached the small shelter and Arthur carefully opened the creaky door, which had probably been opened by force before, because it looked broken. Inside it was as dark as it was outside, and it smelled like wet wood and herbs. The interior decoration was spread out on the floor, old and broken. Plants had started to grow from the outside in, and covered most of the room. But besides that, it looked safe. Arthur walked over to a place, which most likely had been a fireplace years ago. He was not so sure if it was even possible to light a fire in here, not only because he was afraid to set the whole cottage on fire, but also because the wood outside was wet from the ice. He looked around, hoping to find some blankets or animal fur, so he had something to keep them warm, but he could not find anything. It was too dark to make out for such small details.

Without trying to hurt Merlin too much, he slowly lowered the young man on the floor, who let out yet another painful whimper. Anxiously, he unwrapped the cloth over Merlin's thigh and realised that at least the bleeding had stopped a little bit. But even so, there was still the problem of a possible infection. The wound was really deep and already red around the flesh. The dirt and little wood splinters in it, didn‘t make it any better as well. They didn’t even have any water to clear the wound, nor did he know what kind of herbs could help in such a situation. Arthur sighed and shook his head, he only had to hold on till the sunrise. Merlin could do that. Then they would get back to Camelot and let Gaius take over. Until then, Merlin had to hold on.

Merlin was still laying on the ground, his chest slowly filling with air. Arthur really needed to look closely and keep an eye on him to make sure he was breathing, as his chest barely moved when he breathed in and out. It looked as though he wasn’t breathing at all. And that thought scared Arthur. The thought of losing Merlin like this. Was it his fault? If he just had been more reasoning with Merlin, agreed with him instead of ruining what little friendship they had by spewing out fake statements that were just untrue and harsh. He should have also been more alert of their surroundings, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. But there was no point in thinking about it any longer, the past couldn‘t be changed. What happened, had happened.

Since there was not much more Arthur could do for Merlin, he decided to get a better picture of the cottage they were in. He wasn’t seeing much but slowly his eyes adjusted to the dark and he could make out the Rough outlines of some things. He found an old cabinet, where he hoped to find a blanket, but his hopes quickly got dashed. But he didn’t give up.

A sudden noise however made his heart skip a beat. Until he realised, the noises were coming from Merlin, who was obviously in much pain. His entire body was trembling now. Weak and exhausted it probably cost him all his remaining strength to keep fighting. Arthur was getting angry and frustrated. He needed to find a way to warm Merlin. And not only Merlin, but also himself. His own body was shivering from the cold, and he could barely feel the tip of his fingers. The way it looked, he wouldn’t find anything to cover themselves with for the night, so the only other option was getting some firewood and trying to start a fire.

With a loud sigh, Arthur walked to the wooden door again, and stepped out into the night, but not without turning his head once more to the limp body lying on the floor, double checking before dashing into the night to grab some firewood. 

* * *

Merlin was not sure what had happened. His mind felt like it was filled with clouds, causing him to drift in and out of consciousness over and over again. He had been hurt, that much he remembered. He also remembered Arthur’s soft voice, telling him to hold on a little while longer. But as Merlin thought more about what kind of state he was in; he began to realise that there was not much he himself or Arthur could do. He had lost a lot of blood already.

For right now, he realised he was not laying on the hard forest ground anymore, but instead on a hard wooden floor. Where were they? He tried to open his eyes and sit upright, but there was no reaction from his body. All he felt was the cold crippling over his skin and the pain throbbing in his thigh. Even though Merlin had probably been sleeping all the way to this place, he felt tired and exhausted. His mouth was dry, and he longed for some water.

Abruptly he noticed the silence around him. Where was Arthur? At once he tried to sit up again, which he immediately regretted again. Bursts of tearing pain pulsed through his thigh. His head felt heavy and Merlin could feel the dizziness starting to kick in. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts, or at least gather enough of them to think a little clearer. Sweat dripped from his forehead as he tried to focus his eyes.

“Arthur?” He tried to scream, but only a quiet whisper escaped his lips.

He wouldn’t leave him here to die, would he? No. Merlin could imagine a lot, but Arthur would never leave him. Maybe he was outside, looking for firewood or some water.

His question got answered as just this moment, Arthur walked through the door. His arms were full of some wood.

“You look like you could use some company,” he said with a smile on his face and immediately walked over to Merlin, letting the wood fall to the ground. If Merlin didn’t know any better, he thought Arthur would throw him into a tight hug, but midterm Arthur stopped in his movement and just crouched in front of Merlin instead. Merlin smiled back.

“If it’s you, always.”

“How are you doing?” Arthur asked, but then thought about what a stupid question that was. Of course he wasn’t feeling well, a blind man could see that. But nevertheless, Merlin put on a slight smile.

“This room definitely needs a makeover, maybe a different colour, but besides that I think I’m good.” A quiet smile escaped Arthur’s mouth. Good, so Merlin hadn’t lost his humour.

But the young King knew that it was just an act, he could see it in the eyes of the other. He was hurting and scared and tried to hide it with his jokes. Arthur cleared his throat.

“I gathered some firewood… but I am not sure it will be any good.” Just now, Merlin realised again just how cold he really was, and how much he longed for a warm fire. He could use magic to dry the wet wood and start a fire, but he was afraid that Arthur would notice it. But reconsidering their situation, they needed the fire more than Merlin needed his secret to stay exactly that.

“Do you think we have some water left? I packed some,” he said, trying to distract Arthur so he could use a little spell to dry the wood. Arthur mumbled an answer and immediately got up and walked over to their bag.

Merlin used the chance, his eyes glowing gold. He was feeling dizzy, because his magic took more energy than he had left in his body, but there was no other way.

When Arthur returned next to him, he didn’t even notice that the sparkling ice on the wood had disappeared, his focus was on Merlin, and Merlin only. But there was a disappointed look on the blonde's face, which didn’t mean any good.

“I’m sorry, there’s nothing left,” he whispered, as if it was his fault, which of course it wasn’t.

In all those years, Merlin had learned one very important thing about Arthur. That, no matter what, he always felt responsible or guilty for the problems of others. He may seem like an arrogant prat, who doesn’t care about anyone but himself, but deep-down Arthur was just a really insecure man, who tried to make it right for everyone, without risking losing his father, his only family, or even himself in the process. In the end, it didn‘t matter anymore. Uther was gone. But Arthur still had his queen Gwen, Merlin and the knights, they were his family now. Merlin had realised that soon enough.

He couldn’t remember the exact time when he first saw behind Arthur’s mask, but he for sure remembered the way his heart lit up. He loved Arthur; he knew that. It started as a slow spark but then grew into a large fire, it consumed every muscle, bone, and cell of his body. His heartbeat for Arthur, and not only because it was his destiny to stand at the side of the young King, but because he was the kindest soul Merlin had laid his eyes on.

Despite growing up without any real love or affection, Arthur was incredibly compassionate, and that was what Merlin admired, even though there were also days where Arthur behaved like the biggest idiot in the five kingdoms. His heart was at the right place, and that is all that mattered. It made him rethink about earlier events, knowing that it must have been the heat of the moment for Arthur to speak such words. Maybe, he didn’t mean for the words to be so harsh, however only half of Merlin believed that, but the insecure part of him assumed Arthur must hate him, if Merlin was still useless to him. He definitely knew for certain though that his feelings for Arthur would never be requited, and that’s probably what hurt more.

Arthur loved Gwen, and of course Merlin was happy for them, Gwen was the most precious soul and deserved nothing but happiness. But he still couldn‘t ignore the little jealousy he sometimes felt in his gut while watching them. Gwen was the perfect Queen, the people loved her and she always knew exactly what to say or do, Arthur relied on her, he knew that. But sometimes he wondered if someone could love two people at the same time. For there were moments, where Merlin really thought Arthur felt the same, but just couldn‘t admit his feelings out loud.

In the end, it didn‘t really matter what any of them felt, Merlin thought. They just couldn‘t be. It was okay, for Kings to have some fun with man and woman, but courting a man? That was a whole different story and wouldn‘t have been approached, especially if that man was a servant and a sorcerer. Besides, Merlin could never hurt Gwen like that.

Merlin was so lost in his thoughts; he hadn’t even noted that Arthur was already trying to make a fire in the old fireplace next to him. He wanted to help but knew deep down it would do no good. Merlin really wanted to be honest with Arthur, just tell him everything, but Arthur was not ready yet, or at least that is what Merlin told himself, because the truth was, he himself did not feel ready yet.

It took only a few tries, before a warm fire finally spread in front of them. That was good, at least they wouldn’t freeze to death now. Suddenly, Merlin felt himself relax a little bit. His muscles slowly loosened a bit as the warmth spread through his body and he closed his eyes, wishing he could just sleep again, but too afraid to do so.

What if he woke and Arthur was gone? Or worse, what if he didn’t wake up at all? It could happen, he knew that.

Over the years, working with Gaius, Merlin had seen many battle wounds or wounds the knights gathered while being on a hunt, and it didn’t look good for him. Okay, Merlin had yet not seen his wound, but he could feel it throbbing. It was deep and he had lost a lot of blood. But that wasn’t even the main problem, the main problem was, that it could get infected fast. In his gut, Merlin knew that it would happen soon because of the dirt in it. It was only a matter of time until his body would start fighting against it.

“Are you still cold?” Arthur’s soft voice suddenly broke the silence. Merlin turned his head and looked up to Arthur, who was sitting next to him, his arms were wrapped around his legs, as if he was trying to comfort himself. Immediately Merlin wished he could comfort Arthur, but he barely had the energy to sit up right.

“A little,” Merlin whispered. The fire was warming him a little, but his body was still shivering. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold or the blood loss.

The silence around them was heavy, they both didn’t know what to say. Even Merlin, who always chattered about the most random stuff, was quiet and watched the fire dancing in front of his eyes. The pain in his leg slowly subsided, all he felt now was a light numbness, and he was not sure if that was a good sign or a bad one.

“Why did you leave?” Arthur suddenly spoke again. At first, Merlin was confused. Why would Arthur ask him that?

“Because I got cold and I was tired?” he said, his eyes not leaving the crackling fire.

Arthur moved uncomfortably beneath him and then decided to lay down next to Merlin, his head next to his.

“No…,” he mumbled. “Why did you leave Ealdor?”

Oh. What could he say? My magic grew stronger every day and my mother sent me away in the hopes that I could find a use for all these powers in Camelot? No, obviously he couldn’t say that.

So, he decided to go with only half the truth.

“I didn’t fit in anymore. There was nothing left for me in Ealdor…”

“And you fit more in Camelot?” Merlin was biting his lip.

“Yeah, I like to think that.”

“You know Merlin, sometimes you really are a mystery to me. One day I think I know you, and have you all figured out, and the next day I think I don’t know you at all.”

He wasn’t sure if that was a question or just a statement. Either way, it hurt him, to realize once again that he could not be honest with Arthur, so he stayed silent, not sure what to answer.

But Arthur asked him something else, which threw him out of track once again.

“Will you be okay?” Merlin felt Arthur’s eyes watching him, but he still didn’t have the courage to return his gaze.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. At least, this time he could be honest. He had to. For all the lies, he couldn’t hide this one.

Arthur frowned, “You don’t know?” He was surprised.

Merlin always had an opinion, a plan, or something to say. Sometimes all his talking made Arthur insane, but nevertheless, he enjoyed it, even if it was annoying at times. He had grown to Merlin's voice, his confidence. It was… comforting, in some way. It had always been something, Arthur could rely on.

“No,” Merlin finally lifted his head and met Arthur’s gaze. Arthur was searching for the familiar hope in Merlin's blue eyes, but he didn’t even see a shred of the familiar optimism, only fear.

Without thinking about it, Arthur’s hands reached out for Merlin, and his hand gently stroked his cheek. And that was when Arthur knew that he was screwed. Truly, utterly, screwed.

“You’re hot.“ Something in Merlin's eyes shifted.

“I know. How did it take you this long to figure that out?“

“No, I mean you have a fever.“

Merlin lowered his head, a knowing look on his face. He had known that he was running a fever for a while now, it had already started when Arthur had returned with the fire wood. But Merlin just hadn’t acknowledged it, afraid of worrying Arthur, or distracting him. So, he had kept it to himself. It was bad. Really bad. Having a fever meant that his wound was indeed getting infected, which would some way or another lead to his death if he would not achieve any treatment soon.

“I know,“ he whispered and looked at Arthur apologetically.

Even if Arthur didn‘t openly show it, he was worried about Merlin. He just couldn‘t imagine anything happening to him. Arthur knew that he owed everything to Merlin. Before meeting him, he was an arrogant bully who really didn‘t care about anything and anyone, but himself. He thought he was better than his people, because he was royal. But Merlin had somehow guided him, made him the man he was today. Loyal. Kind. And accepting. He now knew that being royal meant nothing if you didn‘t have the support of your people. A Kingdom, meant nothing without their people. Merlin had shown him that ruling was not about spreading fear and hate, but about love and compassion, to be fair and fight for justice.

His father had never been like that. Maybe, before he was born, before his mother was taken away because of magic, but that was a time Arthur could not recall anyone talking about, so Uther had probably ruled like that all of the time. But Arthur would do different, he would do better. And that was only possible with Merlin at his side, he realised once again. He needed Merlin, in more ways than he would ever be honest about, so he couldn‘t let him die.

“I’m sorry,” Merlin turned slightly, well as much as he could without upsetting his wound further to look him in the eyes.

“What for?” he questioned.

“What I said earlier, I didn’t mean any of it, I was just angry, and you didn’t listen. It was uncalled for and I apologise Merlin. I wouldn’t be who I am without you and I want you to know that,” Arthur whispered.

Merlin’s heart warmed at the confession. Maybe they did not ruin their friendship after all. They sat in silence for some time. The wind howled outside, sending a blast of cold through the cracks of the shelter. Merlin shivered violently for a moment, his wound aching more, which caused Merlin to scream out in pain.

“Merlin?! What do I need to do? You‘re shivering. It’s the fever, isn’t it? Should I try to keep you warm? Or try to cool you down? I don‘t know what I am supposed to do I-„

“Arthur- breath.“, Merlin said out of breath and looked at Arthur, who was obviously panicking at the sight of Merlin being hurt like that.

Arthur took a deep breath through his nose. He couldn‘t panic, not now.

“I think it would be best to keep me warm, it will fight the fever.“ Merlin said after a little moment of catching his breath again, even if he didn‘t sound that convincing. He was not sure if keeping him warm really was the best option. Either way, he only had the two options. Fight the fever with more hotness, or cool himself down and risk getting too cold. Keeping himself warm seemed like the best option.

Slowly, Arthur shuffled closer to Merlin, who flinched away for a moment.

“Come here,“ Arthur whispered, and opened his arms invitingly.

“Don’t worry. On cold nights, the knights do it all the time, sharing body heat, I mean. “

Merlin cheeks flushed red in the light of the fire, but after a moment of not moving, he dragged himself over into Arthur‘s arms, hissing when he put too much pressure on his leg.

Their bodies ended up wrapped together, lying on the floor in front of the dancing fire. They both held their breath and looked at the flames, watching the dance of the different colours. It looked as though the red and the yellow were dancing around each other, combining a bright orange light. A little bit like them.

Arthur was the intensive red colour, a colour of passion and drama, but also representing strong emotions such as love, anger, courage and strength. On the opposite, Merlin was the soft, bright yellow, the picture of optimism. He was the light that confidently guided Arthur. Melting together, they always encouraged each other, it gave them warmth in cold and lonely nights. They were not only like two sides of the same coin, but also like the moon and the sea, the stars, and the sky, it all belonged together.

It would have been a lie if Merlin said laying in Arthur‘s arms wasn‘t weird at the beginning, but just after a few minutes he got used to having these strong arms wrapped around his body. Truth be told, it was all Merlin had ever wished for. He could have never imagined, not in his wildest dreams, that he would be able to lay in his lovers arms one day, considering that his feelings were most likely not returned. Even though it was only because they needed to share some body heat, Merlin liked to imagine it was because they both wanted it, and not only because they physically needed it.

Merlin was not sure if Arthur thought about man the same way he did, so it was a silent, painful pinning he felt for the other. Merlin‘s head laid peacefully on Arthur‘s chest. He could feel his fast heartbeat, his even breathing. It was a feeling Merlin never wanted to miss again. He felt safe and protected, even loved. His eyes grew heavier with each breath and he felt himself slowly drifting off. At some point, Arthur‘s hand started to caress his back, up and down, in soft motions. Merlin got goosebumps all over his body and shivered slightly.

When he was with Arthur, he felt a kind of calm, he had never felt in his life. Merlin was tangled up in him, and Arthur was tangled up in him and it just felt right. Like it was meant to be exactly like this. Destiny had said over and over again, that their paths belonged together. Kilgharrah himself told Merlin years ago, _a half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole_. And they made each other whole.

“Tell me a story.“ Arthur suddenly broke the silence again.

Somehow Merlin knew, that Arthur was trying to keep him awake, afraid that once he would close his eyes, he wouldn‘t wake up again.

“Like what?“

“I don‘t know“, he whispered. „Something from your childhood, your mother. Anything.“

Merlin thought about it. Then he remembered a story, which his mother had told him as a child, to give him some comfort when Merlin felt all alone in the world, like he had no one.

“My mother used to tell me a story about some gods…“ he started, fighting to keep his eyes fixated on the fire.

„It‘s probably a little silly and stupid, but it was my favourite one.“

“Go ahead, I promise, I won‘t laugh.“ Arthur said and smiled down at Merlin.

“Alright ...There once were some gods, who had created the humans with four arms, fours legs and a head with two faces-“

“That‘s really ridiculous.“

“Arthur! Will you just listen to the story?“

“Okay, I‘m sorry, I‘ll try to listen to your weird story.“

Merlin took a deep breath and started again.

“As I said, that gods created these humans… But fearing their power, they split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.“

It was just a story, and now being older, it might have been stupid to believe in something like that. Either way, back then, it had been the one thing that had given him hope. The thought of finding someone to spend the rest of your life with. Arthur thought about Merlin‘s story. It was silly, no question. But somehow, he knew that there was more behind it.

“Why was it your favourite story?“ He honestly wanted to know.

Merlin took a moment to consider his answer.

„I always felt like an outsider, like I didn‘t belong… And one day, my mother told me this story, probably to make me feel like there was a place for me, somewhere. I was young and naive, but I believed it and it gave me some kind of hope and strength, the thought of belonging to someone like that.“

Arthur knew exactly how Merlin felt. Yes, he had grown up surrounded by people, but he had never felt a love like that. His father had never been a loving person to comfort him, quite the opposite actually. Arthur stayed silent, he didn‘t know what to say. He had never been great with words of comforting another, so he just wrapped his arms tighter around Merlin‘s body.

It should have been awkward, laying this close to Merlin, but it was not. Somehow, he asked himself, if Merlin had thought about him, while talking about this story. It was stupid, to even consider that, but what if there’s was some truth to this story? What if- Merlin, was somehow his other half? Arthur shook his head. Even thinking about this was useless, they had no future, could have no future. Not with him being the King. But that didn‘t mean, that it hurt any less.

Merlin couldn‘t fight his tiredness any longer, he drifted off over and over again, and forced himself to stay awake, until exhaustion finally took over and he fell into a dreamless sleep. Right in the arms of his lover, who whispered a silent, „Goodnight...”

* * *

They both were awoken by a loud bang. Immediately, Arthur sat straight up and looked around. Merlin slowly opened his eyes, but was unable to get everything in focus. He felt worse. His throat was dry and his head was spinning, even though he was laying down. The fever had gotten worse, he knew it, could feel it in his bones. He didn’t even need to looks at the wound on his thigh to know that it was probably all red and hot.

There was another loud bang, followed by the sound of voices. Merlin felt Arthur‘s body tense. They didn‘t move, holding their breath, as if not making a sound would make whoever was out there, just go away again. But of course, luck was once again not on their side.

It was only a few seconds, before a whole group of men stormed through the door. What had sounded like two, or just three people, was actually a large group of fifteen men, and there were probably more hiding outside. And of course, they immediately recognised the prince of Camelot.

“Oh look what we‘ve found! A royal highness, hiding in the woods with another man. If that story ain‘t worth some money!“ One of the men said, and walked closer to the laying couple.

“What‘s wrong, you little slut? Lost your tongue while fucking this little whore?“ the men said laughing, while another of them made some disgusting sex noises.

Arthur tried to stay calm. He couldn‘t fight them all. Five or six, sure. But not fifteen. He was not as exhausted as Merlin, but even he had been without water and food for half a day now. Besides, he had not slept a single moment, too afraid to wake up to an unmoving body in his arms. He had stayed awake, closely watching the breathing of Merlin.

“What do you want?” Arthur hissed between his teeth. His arms around Merlin loosened a little, so he was prepared to get up any moment and fight, if he really needed to.

“Well, my King, some money would be glorious, but then, your head would also be a start.” Of course. Everything was always about money, the throne or revenge on his father.

“Ah, good luck with that.“ he just answered and looked at them sharply.

Without warning, the leader, at least he gave the order so Arthur assumed he must be the one, started to attack. Immediately Arthur jumped on his feet, grabbing his sword, ready to fight as many as possible. The Bandits were strong, but Arthur was smarter and thought more about his movements. While the other men just attacked him, putting all their strength on the weapon, Arthur balanced his sword in his hand, like it was just that, an extension of his arm.

He could already feel his body weaken, his muscles were not as strong as normally and his head hurt from the lack of water. Nevertheless, he couldn‘t stop, he had to protect Merlin, who was still lying on the ground.

Suddenly, there was a loud rush, but Arthur was too distracted to notice that Merlin was once again using his magic to save Arthur. This one last time, before he lost consciousness again.

Arthur was fighting against the two last people. His sword took them down one after one. When he turned around to fight the othere‘s, he realised that they were already gone.

“You think you won, Pendragon? Outside is a whole group of men who can gladly do this all day. Besides, we have a close alley on our side. Who‘s already on their way to see you for themselves.“

That was the last thing he said before he turned around, leaving, obviously too afraid. Arthur didn‘t know why he was suddenly so afraid of him, but it didn‘t matter. They were gone, for now, that was all that mattered.

Arthur was breathing hard. His heart beating fast in his chest, his ears drummed uncomfortably. He couldn‘t do this again, otherwise he would join Merlin on the ground. Even though the men hadn‘t said a name, Arthur knew he was talking about Morgana. She had been trying to get to him for a while now, and even he knew that right now was the perfect situation for her to strike against the King of Camelot. They had to leave right now.

Arthur turned around and grabbed Merlin‘s face.

“Merlin! You have to wake up- come on, wake up!“ he screamed.

Slowly, Merlin opened his eyes and looked at Arthur with glassy eyes, his lips forming Arthur‘s name, but no sound escaped him.

“We have to go, right now. Get up, you can do this.“ Arthur said with force and tried to pick Merlin up. But he wasn‘t moving a single body part, and Arthur barely had the strength to even hold him up in his arms.

“Merlin please…“ he begged.

With all his strength left. Merlin lifted his head and looked into Arthur’ s eyes. He tried to get up, he really did, but he was too weak. With a painful moan he fell back to the ground, Arthur following his movement.

“No, Merlin you have to get up! We can‘t stay here.“ Merlin shook his head.

„Leave, me…“ he whispered, his voice so quiet Arthur could barely understand what he was saying. But he heard it, and he couldn‘t believe Merlin would even consider this option.

“No, I‘m not going to leave you here.“

“Arthur..“ Merlin looked up to Arthur, his hand weakly reaching out for the other men’s chest, placing his hand right over his heart.

“Go. You have to think straight. “

“I can never think straight with you.“ Arthur whispered.

He couldn‘t just leave him here to die. Even if it would mean his own death. This time it was Arthur who shook his head. Placing his own hand over Merlins, which was still lying on Arthur’s chest, feeling his heavy heartbeat. Something in Merlin‘s eyes flinched. And a sad smile appears on his face.

“I need you to know that no matter what happens, it was worth it to me. Being with you, loving you. It was all worth it.“, he whispered and pulled his hand away from Arthur.

“I‘m really sorry…“ And without thinking more about his actions, he gathered all his last strength, and his eyes started to lighten up in a beautiful, golden color.

Arthur flinched away.

 _No_ , he thought. _It couldn‘t be_.

He stared at Merlin, eyes wide open. Arthur thought he knew him, had trusted him. And all the while, he had been one of them. This wasn‘t right, it had to be some kind of joke. There was no way that Merlin, his Merlin, was a sorcerer.

Merlin‘s eyes watched Arthur closely. He hadn‘t used any kind of strong spell, it was just to show Arthur who he was. What he was exactly. Merlin was hoping that Arthur would leave him now, get back to Camelot, where he would be safe. It hurt, seeing the rejection in the eyes of the men he loved. But if it meant that he would stay alive, he would gladly take the chance of Arthur thinking about him as something evil.

A loud noise from outside got Arthur‘s attention. They were coming back.

His gaze returned to Merlin, who still hadn‘t torn his gaze from Arthur.

Merlin had planned for Arthur to react that way, so he would leave, but at the same time he’d hoped Arthur wouldn‘t just go and leave without saying another word. But he could see the hurt and anger in Arthur‘s eyes and he knew, in his heart, that there was no return from what he had just done. Tears suddenly filled his eyes, rolled down his cheeks. He felt horrible and not only because he was beyond exhausted and probably close to death.

Arthur slowly got up and moved away from Merlin, which caused another painful stitch in Merlin‘s heart. It‘s better this way, he told himself, but it didn‘t hurt any less.

Merlin watched as Arthur grabbed his sword and walked over to the open door. Merlin wanted to say something, anything. But there were no words that could save him now, nothing that could make this situation any better. So instead, he just laid there, lowering his head, while the tears streamed silently over his face.

Arthur stopped in the doorway and looked back at the broken men.

“I really thought we were friends… I even thought I lov- Nevermind.“

Before Merlin could even answer him, he was gone. And Merlin was left alone.

* * *

Arthur was running as fast as his feet could carry him. The cold wind blowing in his face, drying the tears which still lingered on his face. He shouldn't cry, not because of Merlin. Merlin, who had lied to him, betrayed him. But even though his mind was telling him that it had been right to leave him there, his heart was screaming at him to get back.

 _He‘s going to die._ The thought played in his head over and over again.

 _And it‘s my fault_. Was it? His fault? He didn‘t know.

Merlin had been already close to death, as soon as he got hurt, but now, Arthur had set his death sentence. He had left him in this cottage to die. As soon as Morgana would arrive there, she would kill him, if he hadn‘t died because of the fever by then.

He stopped running, falling into a slow walk, his breath coming fast.

All of a sudden, he heard loud screams, followed by a loud roar.

The noises were coming from the direction he had been running away from.

 _Merlin_ , he thought.

He stopped moving, and turned around. He should go back, see what was happening, but he was paralysed. Arthur wasn‘t afraid of Merlin. If he had wanted to attack or kill him and claim Camelot for himself, he would have done so a long time ago. It wasn‘t even about the fact that he was a sorcerer and had magic, at least not mainly. Merlin had lied to him all those years, pretended to be someone he clearly wasn‘t.

Arthur had trusted so many people and everyone had betrayed him in the end. Morgana. Agravaine. And who else as well. But Merlin? He had always been his safety, a person who was always honest with him. At least, that’s what Arthur had thought ,until now. How could Arthur ever trust him again? He just couldn‘t, couldn’t he?

He heard the voice from his father in his mind, telling him, to never trust someone with magic. But he had trusted Merlin, more than anyone in his life. Before he left, he had wanted to tell him about his true feelings, but he just couldn‘t. He knew, his feelings were wrong, so wrong. He had Gwen, and he loved Gwen so much, she was perfect in every way. But Arthur could not deny that he also loved Merlin and always had. Even despite the fact that Merlin had betrayed him, Arthur couldn‘t deny that he still loved him. He loved him so much, no matter if he was a sorcerer or not.

“What have you done…“ he whispered to himself.

His body reacted before he had finished the thought. He turned around and ran back, as fast as he could.

_Please don‘t be too late. Please don‘t be to late._

When Arthur arrived back at the cottage, it was not what he had expected. There was a big whole on the roof and what had once been the cottage, was now only a pile of debris.

What the hell had happened? He had only been gone for an hour!

“Merlin!“, he screamed, hoping to get an answer.

But everything stayed silent. He was too late. Merlin was gone, and it was his fault.

Arthur‘s legs gave out under him, and he fell on his knees.

“I am so sorry…“, he said into the void.

Arthur only realised that he had started crying again, when he felt the teardrops dropping on his hands. His body was shivering, not sure if it was because of the cold around him or the cold in his heart. He wanted to scream, yell at something, but when he opened his mouth, only sobs left it. It hurt, the thought of never seeing Merlin again, it tore him apart.

Why had he been so stupid? He should have stayed.

The noise of cracking branches made Arthur freeze in his position.

Someone was walking in the woods behind him. Immediately he grabbed his sword, thinking that Morgana must have returned, but what he saw was not Morgana or any other bandit.

It was Merlin. He was standing at the edge of the forest, looking straight at Arthur.

He couldn‘t believe it. Merlin was alive! And from the look of it, he had been healed as well. But Arthur couldn‘t care more about the fact why he was not hurt anymore, or why he even was still alive, all that mattered was, that Merlin was safe.

Without hesitating any moment longer, he got up and ran over to him. At first, Merlin didn‘t move, scared of what Arthur would do, but as soon as the young King reached him, he knew nothing to fear. Arthur threw his arms around Merlin‘s body and pulled him into a tight hug.

“I thought I had lost you,“ he sobbed into Merlin‘s neck. Merlin also had tears in his eyes and wrapped his arms around Arthur ‘s belly. They stood there like that, what felt like hours.

“I am so sorry. I shouldn‘t have left you. I ‘m sorry.“ Arthur whispered over and over again.

Merlin assured him that he wasn‘t angry, and that he understood it, but Arthur of course didn’t listen.

“No, Merlin. It was so wrong. You could have died, just because I was too proud.“

“But I didn‘t, okay? I am fine, trust me.“

Those two words. Trust me. And Arthur did. No matter what, he did trust Merlin, with all his heart and soul.

„Arthur- “, Merlin said softly and moved a little away from Arthur, so that he could look him in the eyes.

„I know I‘m not the man you thought I was. I am not really what you wanted. I’m just me. But I swear, if you let me, that I ‘ll love you endlessly. As your servant. Friend. Lover. My magic, it is yours, Arthur, it always has been.“

There were no words that could describe what Arthur was feeling at this moment. So, he leaned closer to Merlin, his lips lightly brushing over Merlin‘s.

“Can I kiss you? “, he asked, his breath hot against Merlin ‘s mouth. Merlin didn‘t answer, but instead pressed his lips against Arthur‘s.

In the end, it was their first and last kiss, for they were just not meant to be in this millennium. But somehow, Merlin knew that this wasn‘t the end of their story, there was much more coming. Out of all the different universes, there was one universe, where they would end up together, just in another time.

Merlin‘s magic was buzzing through his body, and he could tell, could feel deep in his soul, that one day, they would indeed end up together. And if it would take an eternity, Merlin would wait. For Arthur, he would even consider immortality, as long as they would be together.

Even if destiny had other plans for them at this time. Right here, right now, Merlin could feel a future, in another millennium, that just happened to be it, the right one. A time where they were meant to be. And he was glad that he would be in it, no matter how long it would take to wait. In the end, their souls would always find their way back to each other, to the one thing, that made them whole.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope you guys liked this? It’s not that much angst... I wish I had written some things differently but all in all I am very proud! Also, day two tomorrow is gonna be sm pain, it’s good that at least day one is bearable... Anyway, please leave some comments or kuddos, they’re highly appreciated <3
> 
> A big hug and thank you goes to @/ColinMagic on Twitter, thanks for helping me with this little story, and beta reading! You’re amazing and I always love working with you together <3


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